August 2012
I see many parallels between how my wife views the feminist movement and how I view the gay rights movement. I too am very grateful to the gay rights movement for fighting discrimination. I don’t have to worry about losing my job or getting kicked out of my house just because I have SSA or walk or talk a little effeminately. I am protected. At the same time, I feel the gay rights movement has debased my choice to be a husband and a father and has made it more difficult for me to have and raise my family the way I want to. Worse yet, there are many political issues they assign to me that I strongly disagree with. The gay rights movement no more represents me just because I am gay than the feminist movement represents my wife because she is female.
,,, Edward Laumann conducted one of the most comprehensive studies on sexuality in the United States.2 This chart breaks adult males with SSA into two groups, those who have had gay sex and those who haven’t.3 His team was surprised to find most men with SSA have never acted on it.
How can this be, when the only time we hear about gay people is in reference to same-sex relationships? If we include identity in this pie chart, we find that most people who identify as gay also have had gay sex. Only a tiny fraction of those who identify as gay have never had gay sex. The silent majority do not identify as gay and have never had gay sex. Usually, when a person comes out as gay, they are simultaneously stating their desire to have a same-sex relationship. This may be one reason why our church leaders advise us against labeling ourselves as gay. Too often, laws and policies focus on this vocal minority, and ignore the silent majority.
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